I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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