Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
