just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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