There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it glows. i had to have it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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