Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
