and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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