Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
