How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
