oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
