I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
