I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
as a side note pls kill me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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