one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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