Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
not ubering you a puppy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize