i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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