I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
