Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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