I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
