just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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