ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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