two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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