Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
