she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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