Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
