Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drake has all the answers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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