i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Someone shattered a urinal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
