he looks like a really good dad on facebook
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
