Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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