Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
