Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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