my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
