Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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