I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
