Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize