So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
