She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
