drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
