My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
