PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
