who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize