U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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