Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
