yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
