On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
