i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize