we have pet lesbian snakes
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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