my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
