i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He better not be in your backpack
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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