...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
