I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
