I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize