Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
