The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize