Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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