Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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