I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize