i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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