I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
