you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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