Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
