You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
try to milk me bitch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
