Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
