Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
