I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize