What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
