it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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