i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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