I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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