I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
