you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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