its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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