HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
