Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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