you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
