True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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