I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
