Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
