A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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