I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
