I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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