are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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