Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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