He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
