I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
