Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
