Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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