You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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