Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
