so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
