State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
